It's Suicide Prevention Week

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

You may be thinking "Well, shouldn't that be every day"?

The answer is definitely "Yes".

But, realistically, we all get wrapped up in our own lives so much that it is good to have a reminder to check in with other people.

Having a specific day for suicide prevention is helpful because some people have never thought about suicide. Or don't realize that someone they know has thought about it.

And, even if it is only brought up just this one time each year, it may still be enough to save someone's life.

Along those lines:

I am not a great corresponder. In fact, I kind of suck at keeping in touch with people. I know this. If we are friends you also know this. However, that doesn't mean that I don't think of you often. And even though we may not have spoken in weeks, or months, or even years, for my part, we are still friends.

If we are family, well, you're kind of stuck with me anyway but the same general principle applies to you.

What I'm saying is: I am here. I have heard that I am a good listener (see what I did there?) if anyone needs to be heard. I don't judge. Well, I might judge but I will do it to your face. Because that's what real friends do. Also, I joke. It's kind of my thing. Don't act like you didn't know. But I can be serious if you need me to be.

Or if it's easier for you to be anonymous: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

If you need help reach out, someone will be reaching back.

Moments ~ They're bigger on the inside.

I was just watching Dr. Who on Netflix (the newer series, season 6 episode 7) and I had a epiphany.

The path to enlightenment:

The Doctor and River keep crossing paths through time and she always knows some pretty upsetting stuff about their future at this point in the story (I suspect I see the arc the story is taking but I'm watching it in order). Anyway, it seems to me that even though River knows all this bad stuff will happen she still lets herself live in the moment. She cherishes every time she sees him. She doesn't let the bad to come (or that has passed) damage her present happiness.

The Epiphany:

I let my worries and insecurities color all my other moments. When I think about the times I have been truly, undilutedly (add that one to your dictionaries) happy, there's not that many that I can name offhand. I have reached a point where I can recognize contentment but "happy" is a rare occurrence. And believe me, contentment was actually a victory for me.

Another reference to another awesome show:

In Firefly's episode "Heart of Gold", Zoe and Wash are talking about how she wants a baby but he feels like their lives are too dangerous to have one at present. And Zoe says, "I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it."

Epiphany continued:

I think I have been. I think that I haven't let myself live in my happy moments because I am afraid of what comes after. My life is not exactly a tragedy but I have had my share of bleak and upsetting times. If I'm honest, I almost feel like it is better to not know how wonderful things can be, that way, when the floor falls out from under you it doesn't seem like such a far drop. Which, in my head, I know is a messed up way to look at it but, for my heart, seems safer. I am pretty sensitive. Easily wounded, you might say. I pretend like things don't bother me but they really, really do. I almost constantly have my guard up. I hold back so much of what I feel and what I think because I don't want to take the risk of being hurt. Not just on a romantic front but in every aspect of my life.

I've come to realize that's not fair to the people who happen to be in those would-be happy moments with me. And it's not fair to me either.

Summation:

I will allow myself to be happy for whatever reason or for no reason at all. I will stop letting old fears and future worries creep into my present. I am going to live in my moments and enjoy them while they last. Which, I think, will make the moments seem even bigger while I'm in them and give me more room to fit more life into my time.

I don't need marble halls, I only need you ~ Anne Shirley

This makes me laugh every time.

I haven't ever been a big fan of Valentine's Day.

I haven't had a real Valentine for most of them (apart from the kid that is).

I think that Valentine's Day can be such a let down because the notion of Romance has been so very, very damaged by unrealistic expectations perpetuated by Retailers, Hollywood, and, yes, even (dare I say it?) Books.

Retailers show commercials involving diamonds, cars and other expensive items because the more the gift costs the more you love someone, right?

Hollywood is all about the "Grand Gesture". Staging the scene. Declaring your love across a crowded subway station (shout out to Crocodile Dundee). Stopping the plane so your love doesn't leave you. Although nowadays I wouldn't recommend running through an airport shouting "Stop the plane!" Unless, of course, being tackled and having a full body search is the most action you can get on Valentine's Day. Then, go to it. Just not when I have a flight.

And my beloved Books, they started it all. The heroes and heroines. The plundering and ravishing. The rakishly handsome men causing heaving bosoms. You get the idea.

The most Romantic times I have ever had have been quiet times. In the car looking over and seeing Him smile at me. When washing dishes, Him coming and putting his arms around me and kissing my neck. Just laying together talking and laughing.

I hope that today (and everyday) everyone can remember that it's the time you spend with someone and the little everyday things that show a person how much you love them.

Although, a nice, shiny diamond couldn't hurt. I'm just sayin'.